Clutter, clutter everywhere, what am I to do

Clutter, clutter everywhere, what am I to do

verb
  1. cover or fill (something) with an untidy collection of things.
    “the room was cluttered with his bric-a-brac”
    synonyms: litter, make untidy, make a mess of, mess up, throw into disorder, disarrange, jumble;More

noun
  1. a collection of things lying about in an untidy state.
    “the attic is full of clutter”
    (Thanks to the mighty Google for these nice definitions)

    In my post yesterday I discussed how hard it is some times for me to actually achieve something, even as basic as tidying a room. I have heard that it is a common problem for people suffering from mental health issues (as well as those with physical problems, here I would like to concentrate on mental health). The reason I wish to talk just about mental health can be summed up in one word;

    LAZY

    If you wish to find a word that drives me crazy it is LAZY, I am not lazy! I fight bloody hard every day, some days I can get things done, other days it is a fight just to get out of bed, but I do it. People look at me as if I should be in work, holding down a full time job and having a pristine house. I wish I could hold down a full time job (or any job for that matter) and have a pristine house. It is bloody hard trying to survive on benefits, especially when I used to bring in a nice comfortable wage……. I have digressed into a rant, maybe this should be saved for another post.

    Getting back to the topic of clutter, now I appreciate that I am a man who live on his own, and I am not the most tidy of person, even though I actually hate mess. Yes, it drives me up the wall, but no matter how hard I try it just never looks tidy. I do keep hold of things, because they may become useful, this drives my sisters crazy. And finally I have a dog and cat, who like nothing better than to leave bits of themselves all around the house. Oh, and a part time daughter (I only see here every other weekend and on Wednesdays), who leaves behind her a full time mess.

    Clutter = Lazy

    Suffering from mood swings as I do, it makes keeping things tidy hard. When I am down I can hardly face anything, which just adds to the depression. It is hard to explain to people why lying all day on the sofa is not lazy and loving it, but more a hive of self hatred that you can’t function like the excepted norm. Tell people that you lie there arguing with yourself, berating yourself, making yourself feel like a piece of crap, they think your bonkers, well, technically I am, that is why I am lying on the sofa. Why can’t they get it. I have now banned myself from the living room until evening and no TV until then as well, just in an effort to get me away from my nest.

    This has led to me relocating to the kitchen and swapping TV for blogging and forum surfing, but at least I am not curled up under my blanket hating myself. As I sit here at the kitchen table, I look around me at clutter, bits, bobs, things and stuff. Every surface is home to something, most of which probably have a home somewhere else. Below is a picture of my kitchen table as an illustration.

    IMG_4281

    The bits in the foreground, my ecig, liquid, coffee cup and to do list, acceptable. under my ‘to do’ list are my degree notes (they have a file). beyond you see my daughters wallet and Welsh dictionary (they should be in her room).

    The two white rolls are plastic wrap used last week for covering school books, I keep my spare stationary down the side of a cupboard not two meters away. The plastic bag should contain the hair removal tape sticky roll and be under the sink, I have no idea where the sticky roll is, and I only used it this morning! The bottle contains watered PVA used in an arty project several weekends ago, it has lived in that spot ever since. The tin is dog food that the dog refuses to eat, again homeless. Finally the tray and tub at the back are all the bits and bobs that were deemed homeless the last time I tidied the kitchen!!

    Right before I continue, I shall remedy this table……..

    Okay, 25 minutes later (yes, I am using BeFocusedPro) and half of the clutter from the table has been sorted, also a load of dishes have been done, the kitchen side wiped down and laundry taken out of the tumble dryer. A resounding success! Actually no, all I set out to do was clear the table, I even bored you to tears with where everything lived and yet I still managed to get side tracked.

    Distraction = Clutter?

    I have two states of thinking, absolute distraction or laser like focus, 99% of the time it is absolute distraction. I flit from one thing to another, whilst doing something I will see something else and go do that, leaving the first task unfinished. My entire life could be summed up as little piles of incompleteness, I don’t think I have ever finished something, certainly not to how I wanted it.

     

    I have to be honest at this point, alcohol, one of the biggest distractions of all has reared its ugly head. I will not type under the influence except to say that I shall explain more tomorrow

Thank you and be kind to each other

 

David

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