I have decided that I should try to keep a kind of diary of my days, help me to see progress I guess. As I have told most everything on here I see no reason to stop now so I hope you don’t mind me sharing. Today is probably a good day to start it, not because it has been highly motivated, in fact quite the reverse. Today has been one of those days where the motivation was just not to be found. From the moment I awoke this morning the black cloud has been hovering over my head. Even when I found some motivation to do some DIY this afternoon, all I achieved was to stare at it and wonder what the hell I was doing. Days like this are becoming few and far between thankfully, but when they happen, it drags me back down.
I don’t really have any real reason for it either, just a combination of things that I have been repressing/ putting off have got to me. Sometimes you just have to have a “self-help” day as a friend put it. I am very lucky to have friends who care enough to keep an eye on me, keep prodding me and keeping my spirit up. I did not get anything achieved today but I got through the day without extra meds or slipping to deeply. I even found the strength in the evening to cook, real food, inspired food. This, I must admit, did really make me happy. It is amazing how sometimes even small victories on top of a massive defeat can change the mentality.
I have started to disregard days like today, I don’t let them get to me. Yes, it was a rough day but hey, tomorrow has so much more potential. I will not dwell on today, but I will learn from it. As long as I continue to learn then nothing has been wasted, I have to look at positives. The more I do the more I see, having a pessimistic gloomy outlook is easy, finding positives is harder but more satisfying. I will go to bed tonight not in the grip of depression but with a positive view of tomorrow.
I am realising just how lucky I am, how fortunate I am to have what I have. I also realise that I can have so much more, more than money, a life of worth. I have to keep my goals in mind, keep on the path and not let the self-doubt and self hate return. Being positive is not about being happy, being positive is what gets us through the unhappy times. I am going to reach my goals, maybe not for a while but I will get there. Hopefully I will continue to meet new people on my journey, so far I have been so lucky with those I have met. I must believe in myself, I must trust others and try harder. As they say the only difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little bit “extra”, I need to give that bit extra tomorrow.