A normal day, yes that’s right a normal day. wake up get daughter ready for school, put her on the school bus then back home for a cup of tea and first meds of the day. Then sit in my chair check twitter for about the sixth time this morning (please tell me you read my last article) and ……….
Okay so four hours later I wake up from my nap and realise that I really better do something constructive as my other half is in work and I am more scared of her than my illness so commence operation do something constructive. Success, just coming out of the shower when she got home, look honey I’ve done things. So not in dog house, partner has headache so get her pills and her and daughter snuggle up on sofa watching tv (well one was).
So I’ve had a good day and been feeling good and not feeling bad. Thats right no bad thoughts, I felt normal, better, a fraud, hell was I even ill. Yer was I ill or just putting it on, maybe I am just a lazy git, taking advantage of the situation. That’s it, yes I had a bit of a breakdown but come on surely I should be back in work by now? Hell what a useless sack of waste I am, here we are trying to work out how we are going to survive the month on pennies and I’m sat on my butt, popping happy pills and playing the mental illness card.
What a useless person I am, why the hell do people put up with me, why don’t I just take that knife out the top draw and……
Then you realise your still not well, you put the knife back in the draw and get on with life. Just because you feel good for a few hours don’t assume your well and most of all when your illness plays games with your life, don’t let money become more important than life.